I still have them.
Those moments where your heart freezes when you find yourself faced with a random never will because of SB.
At first, when we got the diagnosis, they were big ones. Like: I won't get to hold him right after he's born. I will never get that family shot of the three of us when he's seconds old. I won't get to lie awake holding him on his first night. I won't get to smell him before they clean him (which is kind of gross sounding unless you've smelled a seconds-old baby and then you know that little bit of heaven I'm talking about).
We got through those moments, those nevers and it was just fine.
Eventually, I was even able to start spotting the wills - those tiny silver linings that sparkle or blind you with their brilliance every so often - things that we get to do now because of SB. The people we've met, the places we've gone, the moments that would've slipped past without notice 'before'.
But every now and again, a stupid little never pops out of nowhere.
Today, I was attempting to do Zumba on the Wii so that no one except Kingsley and Rachel had to be subjected to the awkwardness. There was a buff, extremely talented, animated guy doing the dance and out of nowhere I thought: Kingsley will never dance like this.
Then reality tapped me on the shoulder in the form of my flailing reflection on the TV and the vague memory of what Jeff looks like when he dances. Yeah... Kingsley will never dance like that guy. That was a given, SB or not.