Tuesday, April 27, 2010


There is a group of women in this city that spend part of their day online chatting, looking for advice, giving advice, arguing, joking, venting, and commiserating. All of them are mothers in one form or another or are trying to be mothers. If you need something, they are there for you, sometimes at any hour of the day or night. When you can't get your new baby to stop crying, they'll talk you through it. When your toddler starts to drive you crazy with their tantrums, they'll help you see the humor in it.  When your teen asks you for condoms, they're right there with you freaking out on the inside. When you can't afford Christmas presents for your children, they'll give you a Christmas you'll never forget. Whether you finally conceive after years of trying or discover another oops baby is on the way, they are celebrating every pregnancy and birth like it's a member of their family.  And when you find out that your unborn baby has a birth defect, they are right there with you holding your hand, wiping away your tears and googling just as fast as you are.

I love these women.

I've been a member of this group for nearly four years now. A lot of them I've met and am friends with in 'real life' while others I wouldn't know if I passed them on the street.  We've been through everything together from first babies to seventh babies, graduations (ours and our childrens), marriages, divorces and reconciliations, new jobs and job losses, births (by the truckload!) and even deaths. We fight like only a family can. We've waited, holding our collective breath, while someone peed on a stick or posted through their homebirths. There are no boundaries.

When I found out that Kingsley had SB, I posted one line to tell them the news and within 24 hours I had 9 pages of people pouring out their love and support to me. In the months that followed, they listened to my updates and frustrations and panic.  They were counting down the days to his birth right along with me and when he arrived early they were as shocked as I was. I don't think I could've made it this far in my journey with Kingsley if it wasn't for them.  They celebrated him like the blessing he is and when I take him out to mom's events now, they all want to meet this boy they know so much about.

Kingsley's birth brought more gifts and well wishes than both girls put together I think. There just aren't enough thank you cards in this city to send to everyone who in someway celebrated his birth with us.  People are wonderful.  But two of the most special gifts we received were from my online mama's. One was from my sidekick, my partner in crime. She made Kingsley the gorgeous blanket that we wrapped him in when we finally brought him home. I wanted to bring him home in something special and we sure did (he's wrapped in it beside me as I write this, too!).  This is 'Kiki's bay-kee!' as Cordelia calls it. He has many, but this is the one that he doesn't have to share.  It's heavy and warm and big, just perfect for snuggling under and absolutely perfect for a baby born in the middle of January.

The second gift(s) were waiting for me the day I was discharged from the hospital. I left my baby boy in the hospital the day after his second surgery and came home to the most incredible things.  They were made by another mama who I had only met in person twice briefly. I bought a little pink piggy for my niece off of her at a mompreneur sale. She had sneakily found out the girls' names and Kingsley's name before he was born and made my three little piggies that I posted a picture of in my last post. She also made him a sock monkey, but not just any monkey. This monkey is as special and unique as my little man.  He has a big smile, and a crown for my little King, and Kinglsey's name is embroidered on his tail and as you can see, he has special stitching above his bum, next to a heart. I honestly tear up whenever I look at this little monkey. It is so perfect. Perfect.

I think it's so odd when people talk about how impersonal the internet is and how it prevents people from connecting with each other like they used to. I don't think that could be further from the truth. I'd be lost without the support I get online from my mama's, from the SB groups, from the other blogs I follow.  I have met some of the most amazing people online who are as much a part of my day as my morning tea... and just as necessary. :)

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Blah biddy blah blah blah

I've been feeling blah about the whole SB thing lately. I have no idea why. Nothing big has been happening, he's been doing great and I haven't had any reason to dwell on it. But I am anyway. I hate when I get like this.

I'm worried about his future. About his walking, his bowel and bladder stuff. It's magnified in my mind and I see it dominating who he is, which is ridiculous. I think. It jumps out at random times, like when I'm running and I'll suddenly start thinking about how he'll never come running with me (why would he want to run with his mom anyway?). And lately Cordelia has been begging to start toilet training - ugh - and all it does is make me think about how Kingsley won't be able to train the way she does.

So, instead of shopping my sorrows away (which also helps, by the way) I am trying to think about the things about him right now that make me smile. Like finding random toys in the toy room:
Or the way Cordelia is convinced that Kingsley needs to eat food and keeps trying to sneak him some (OK, that doesn't always make me smile):
Kingsley's chub! Is he the cutest thing in a bathing suit or what?
Kingsley fish lips (this is curtesy of Rachel. I also love his look of terror. Poor kid, having 2 sisters must be rough):
My three little piggies. Both the real ones and my pink ones. The pink ones remind me of the wonderful people in my life, the real ones are the most wonderful people in my life. Either way, we are one lucky family.
(these little piggies were made for me by another mama who was pregnant at the same time as me. she also made my King monkey from the last post and one day I'll show you why he is the most awesome, amazing sock monkey of all time)

Those are my smiles for today.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Accidental CoSleeper

I realized last night that I'm back to where I was with Cordelia regarding the sleeping situation. I have finally gotten Rachel to stay out of our bed (she plays on our floor in the middle of the night though, so not perfect yet), only to find Kingsley in it.

It was starting well.  He sleeps really well (as I knock on wood...). He has put himself on a schedule already! He settles down around 7pm and usually sleeps through until I cath him at about 11. Sometimes he sleeps through that, sometimes he wakes up. Either way, he wakes up to nurse at about 4am. Up until now I was putting him in the bassinette and when he'd wake up later, I'd just pull him in and keep him there until we were ready to wake up.  But now, he doesn't even last an hour in the bassinette before he starts fussing. As soon as he's in bed with me, he's out cold.

Just like Cordelia. One night, she's in the bassinette, the next thing I knew she was in my bed or pissed off about it.

For the most part, I don't mind it. There's something magical about seeing that little face in the wee hours of the morning.  On the other hand, my neck is kinked. I have to face him, but my preference would be to sleep facing the other way, so I'm all out of sorts. I sleep more when I don't have to even sit up, but I don't sleep as deeply. I know it's short lived though and it's one of those things I should enjoy because I will miss it one day. The only way Cordelia will sleep with me now is if she's sick!

He just likes cuddling. :)

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Sucks Being the Baby

King is learning to adapt to being the baby of the family. Poor kid, he's often stuck waiting for me to finish doing something with his sisters.

Tonight, the poor kid was on the floor after bathtime (want to talk about rockstar? I can now bathe all 3 at once) while I scrambled to get teeth brushed and jams on and tuck the biggers into bed. Kingsley was whining a bit, but then got quiet. When I finally got Cordelia into bed and was done convincng Rachel to stay in bed, I found this:
He just passed out on the floor.

Poor little guy.

I thought about leaving him there, but figured he's a little young to wake up on the floor.

His New Left Foot!

Kingster got a splint!

He was excellent through the whole thing (need I say he was a rockstar?). He sat on my lap patiently as they tried different socks on him, then molded the plastic stuff to is foot. Then they tried a few different strap combo's until they decided on this one. It's velcroed underneath and behind and the plastic stuff is just an L-shape more than a boot. It keeps his foot in the position your foot would be if you were standing up straight... and not a ballerina en pointe.
Clearly, he did not appreciate the photo op today. I tried to get one with it on so you could kind of see what it looks like, but this was the best I got. The white at the top is his pant leg rolled up.


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

His Left Foot

Tomorrow Kingsley has an appointment with the PT folks to get a splint made for his left foot. It's the one that doesn't like to sit straight and that he can't seem to move much. It prefers to be in a toe pointed ballerina en pointe position, turned inward. His big toe on that foot is curled in all the time. It made me a bit nervous so I asked about getting this splint made.  They aren't sure it's going to work since he's got such a teenie foot, but they'll give it a try. 

I noticed something the other day though, that I hadn't noticed before. I know he can move his toes and move his foot (although I think the movement comes from higher, if that makes sense?) but I saw him move his foot from turned in, to straight. Instead of pointing his toes toward his right calf/foot, he pointed them straight down, making a direct line from his calf to his big toe. I watched him do it over and over and over because I was sure I was imagining it. I have no idea what this actually means for him, but it's more moving and moving is good.

I can't believe he's already 3 months old. My lovely little boy has officially entered what I call the Blob Phase. He doesn't sleep as much and when he's awake he is alert and wanting attention. But what do you do with them?? With Rachel, I found this phase excruciating. I would do yoga, massage, sing, read... then wait for her next nap. They can't move, they can't coordinate their hands well enough to play. You move them from a bouncy chair, to the swing, to the floor for some tummy time and that's about it. Blobs. Eventually, we get to add in the Bumbo and the Excersaucer for variety, but it's a bit early yet for those.

It's really feeling like spring now. My house is giving me anxiety with the neverending laundry and dirt tracked across the floors, toys on every surface and juice spills everywhere, so I've been trying to spend as much time outside as possible. The girls are wildly entertained by dirt and mud and water, so I fill up their beat up old second hand water table and they go to town. My only conundrum is deciding what outfit from their new summer wardrobes I can declare as 'dirt clothes' that I won't be heartbroken if suddenly brown with stains. I'm trying to convince Kingsley that being outside is fun, but he's not a big fan of wind, sun or sun hats, so it's a tough sell. All in time.

Sunday, April 18, 2010


We've been busy! Nothing at all very exciting, just living and having lovely normal days and slightly more exciting than normal days.

We got out the swing for Kingsley so that he can play outside with the girls.

You can't really tell, but he did love it.

I attempted to take all three kids to Springbank Park to meet up with a girlfriend of mine and her three kids. I have a lot to learn about the three-kid thing. She was an old pro, I was a bumbling mess. 
He fell asleep after a bit, which helped me.

I love this picture of Jeff and King.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


Alright, I forgot to update how clinic went! In a word: good. I was so worried about what we would hear and the people we would see... but it was all for nothing. Kingsley is a rockstar and the people we saw were all people we knew and who already know about his rockstar status. ;)

First, we saw PT.  She checked the range of motion on his left foot (the one that turns inward) and said the stretches have been working and he has about 10 degrees more range (i.e. he can put it in neutral, or flat footed the way we do when standing, and then move it up toes-to-shins another teenie bit).  I asked about his big toe that is pretty much curled in all the time and whether a splint of some kind was an option. She had another PT come in from the splinting department (is that even right?) and they're going to set us up with an appointment to see if they can make a wee little splint to keep his foot straight. This is important for walking. Even if he can't move it, he has to be able to stand on it straight.

She also gave us a new stretch for his hip. I only know it in yoga terms... he has to do wind relieving pose with the left leg down and right knee into his chest. This is to stretch out the front of his right hip. Right now, he lifts his left knee when his right knee goes up and we need to keep that loose.

I asked about his preference for looking to the left. She said he doesn't have torticollis because he's able to look to the right and doesn't complain too much about it, just prefers not to. I just have to keep doing what I'm doing with tempting him to look to the right and keeping him in neutral when he's sleeping and stretching him that way.  She didn't think it was related to the shunt either.

She approved wearing Kingsley in the mei tai. Yay! She agreed that frog legged was not a great position but that the way I've been doing it with him straddling me was a good stretch for him.  I'm really glad about that.

Lastly, she explained to Jeff how he would walk with his left foot. Basically, she figures he'll be sort of flat footed and have to lift his knee to walk... instead of going heel-toe like we would, since he doesn't have that ability.  She mentioned a walker. Don't say the W-word!! I need these things introduced gradually and right now I can't wrap my head around it yet. I don't really want to. It's too early.

Next, we talked to our/his social worker. She had two more families that are from this area that are willing to talk to us. One is the family I got from the SB&HAO but lost, so I'm glad I have another chance to get in touch with them.  Neither family lives in London, both have girls, and they're a bit older. Seems there was a few born around here that are now around the 2yo age, then the 4 last summer, then Kingsley.  No one is pregnant right now with an SB baby that is known about. Strange how that happens.

Anyway, Jeff was playing on his blackberry and apparently only half listening because then he suddenly started talking about the appointment when we found out about his diagnosis and how it would be so much better if the doctors there gave the families some info on SB and contacts then, instead of just the Termination Talk. Yes, they should!

Next came our incontinence nurse. I had her explain what urodynamics was (were?). I'm not going to explain it since I'm not really clear still. Basically, it involves a catheter and will give a lot of information on his bowel/bladder abilities. I also clarified that he had a VCUG done while he was still in the hospital. I wasn't sure if that was what it had been or if it was something else. New words, new stuff. Gotta have a better learning curve here.

Our last visit was with his neurosurgeon nurse. Once again, I asked about his head turning preference. She said she hadn't heard about it being linked to the shunt or anything SB. I suppose it IS possible for him to have normal baby issues! ;)  I also asked about his random gagging/retching sounds and big spit-ups. She said what I figured she'd say but didn't want her to say: it's the Chiari stuff. I'm not sure if I mentioned this - Kinglsey has 3 'things': spina bifida, hydrocephalus (why he has the shunt), and Arnold Chiari II Malformation. The Chiari basically means that his brain is a bit oddly shaped. His brain is pulled down a bit in the back which is mostly a non-issue, but often presents with feeding issues. The gagging is where we'll notice it now and later on he'll likely have texture issues with food. Probably always have a sensitive gag reflex. Lovely!

Jeff asked about Kingsley's head shape and if it was still lemon-head shaped. She said no, that's just the way it was.  Oddly enough, I think it looks like Jeff's head! She said it could be his supersized chubby cheeks that are off-setting a narrow forehead. Yeah.... they are a bit chubby. :)

So, that was it! All in all, I left feeling pretty good. They're going to reschedule him for a visit with the developmental paediatrician sometime, but everyone yesterday thought he was hitting his milestones and doing ab fab!  What did I tell you? Rockstar.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Hearing... check!

So far so good. Jeff and I took King to his hearing appointment today. I was not optimistic. For one, the letter said we had to keep him awake on the drive to St. Thomas and then after he had the electrodes stuck to various parts of his forehead/behind his ears, he was to fall asleep and stay that way for the duration of the test. Fabulous! I don't know about your babies, but mine is just not that compliant.... Well, turns out he is. He did exactly that and I was flabbergasted. Rock on, Kingsley! :)

The whole thing though was unexpectedly emotional for me. First, we got lost on the way and I was thinking how much I hate St. Thomas because every time I go there I get lost and am late and at that moment we turned down a street and it hit me when I had been last lost and late in St Thomas: my midwife appointments.

The last time I was in St. Thomas, was when I sat in my car, crying hysterically because my MW had just told me that the IPS had come back positive for SB and there was a 1:5 chance my baby had it. I remember like it was yesterday. I had barely made it to the car when the tears came and I had to just drive to the back of the parking lot because there was no way I could drive home and I didn't want anyone to see me crying. I called my mom and called Jeff.  Everyone kept saying 'false positives' and 'don't worry yet', but right before I drove out of the parking lot I had a feeling of absolute certainty that this baby was going to be a boy and he was going to have SB. That never went away, even after the next ultrasound showed nothing (except that he really was a he!). 

Anyway, it was with this mindset that I found myself holding my breath (literally and figuratively) as the woman with very strong coffee breath did Kingsley's hearing test. I had a brief moment of panic thinking about all the times we had been told the odds were, things were fine, but...  Thankfully, she didn't keep me in suspense long and reported that all was 100% with my little man's hearing. He was so cute, lying there in my arms with wires stuck to his head and a head band on like the rock star he is.  I kept telling myself.... it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter what they tell me. He's still my King.

So, on to the next one. Clinic is in an hour. It was half cancelled because the paediatrician had to take a personal day.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Not Scared, Just... Scared

After a few weeks of no appointments or anything SB-related at all really, Kingsley has a big day tomorrow!

In the morning he has a hearing test. When we were in the hospital after he was born, they decided that he was 'high risk' (for what, I don't know) and therefore couldn't have the normal hearing screen that infants get. So, he had some brain signal thing done where they stuck things behind each ear and in the middle of his forehead. Great, except he has a shunt behind his right ear. So, he failed the hearing test. But then the tester did the regular test - off the record - and he passed just fine. I'm not worried, but we're going for the follow up, just because.

In the afternoon is his first SB Clinic day. I'm so mixed up about this. I'm looking forward to it, but really scared of it. I'm not sure what to expect. We meet a bunch of professionals, most I think we've already met. And they go over different Kingsley-related issues. I think I'm scared because he's doing so well and we just don't think about any problem areas he might have because we really don't need to. Other than keeping an eye on his shunt and doing his cath'ing, we just carry on with life. Tomorrow they may point out all the things he's not doing or should be doing better or may not do in the future or I don't know what else. I don't want to hear that... On the other hand, I do want to know every single thing they can tell me about him and what else I can be doing with him... just as long as it's positive! :)

So, wish us luck. If nothing else, I know he'll be the cutest little guy there. ;)

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


My favourite flower is tulips. Get it? If you don't, consider yourself lucky. When you get the news that you are having or have a child with a *special need* of some kind, someone will inevitably pass along this poem.  "Welcome to the bad news. Here is your informational brochure and a poem." It's well-intentioned and some people love it. I hate it. 

It's taken me forever to figure out why I hate it so much: it doesn't apply to me.

When I was in highschool this guy I knew used to always talk about how anticipating a good time usually ruins it, so you should just let the good times happen... or something like that. It was highschool. Anyway. It's like how New Year's Eve was something you'd start planning for in November and get all excited about and have planned down to every detail: the shoes, the outfit, the hair, the drinks, the everything.  And then the night would come around and year after year it just wasn't that great. Just like every other Saturday night out, only more expensive.  Some people are like this about Prom or their wedding day.  Some people are like this about having a baby, thinking it will be soooo great having a little person adore them and goo and all of that stuff that is awesome, but comes with a big dose of real life as well. 

So, I guess finding out about the diagnosis before we really found out anything else about Kingsley sort of prevented a lot of that anticipation for me.  I didn't even get to start thinking about wardrobe or names until after the dreaded Spina Bifida words had already been uttered. I anticipated how a new life would impact our family and the logistics of having three children, but that's as far as I got. And that stuff hasn't really changed. We do have a new baby, we are changed because of it, the girls are awesome with him, and the logistics are working themselves out.  I don't feel like I'm in Holland. I feel like we're exactly where we're supposed to be, doing what we're supposed to be doing.  I don't feel derailed or misplaced. I didn't have dreams of having a boy who would be a soccer champion or the star quarterback.  I had dreams of having a baby and I have one. And realistically, with this genepool... I'm just sayin.  The odds of giving birth to a soccer champion or star quarterback was pretty much nil to begin with.

I can fully understand how the poem would be poignant to someone who gave birth to a seemingly typical/normal/healthy (really, why do all of these words sound wrong?) child only to find out days/months/years later that there was something else going on. Then you do have time knowing your sweet child for who they are. That's when you start planning and dreaming about rational and sometimes irrational things... like how Rachel is going to some day win So You Think You Can Dance Canada and Cordelia is going to be a rock star and Kingsley is going to be a male supermodel (print, not catwalk).  Or at the very least, they'll all survive highschool, go to university, find a life partner and produce grandchildren for me as gorgeous as they are right now and be happy about it... I'm getting rambly. Really though, even though it is completely up to them whether they want to find a life partner and have children, the idea that those things may be harder for Kingsley than it would've otherwise been does sting.  But they aren't popped bubbles right now, so I don't allow myself to dwell.  But some parents do have to dwell and accept that their children's futures are not going to be exactly how they planned and for them Holland makes sense.

For me, the big anticipation with Kingsley's pregnancy was more about his birth. My Holland was having a c-section instead of my au naturel trip to Italy. Haha.  One day I will get over this.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Happy Easter!

Easter began the same way it ended around here... with puking!

I'm pretty sure the girls don't have the bug anymore, but that they're stomachs are just not recovered from it.  They are fine all day and eat very little other than Mum-Mum's, freezies and toast. Then comes dinner (Easter dinner x 2 in this case) and between 10:30-midnight, dinner returns.  Last night we asked the eternal question: a few Easter eggs won't hurt, will they? Well, yes they will. Then tonight we challenged with: surely one chocolate egg won't hurt...  And yes, again, it will. Especially the carpet.

Kingsley has recovered from his brief dehydration episode and is pee'ing and eating just fine. He hasn't done his volcanic spit up in nearly 2 days. Small blessings.

They were, however, quite gorgeous today. All three of them. It was my first foray into girl/boy coordinating outfits. I giggled all day at how ridiculously cute they were.

I can't believe I got one with him smiling. If only the girls were looking!

Kingsley loves Rachel
This one just made me laugh!
I think his hair is going to be lighter than we thought. It looks more like my colour (my real colour ;) )
His smile is so goofy, I just can't get enough of it!

Alright, enough picture fun. Time to change the 80 millionth load of laundry and hopefully put these kids back to bed!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Keys to Surviving

Well, it's been an eventful week to say the least! I have seen more vomit and spit up this week than I have seen in my whole 4 years as a mother so far. It's not pretty. If my beat up old washing machine had chosen this week to die on me, I think I would've pitched a tent and moved into the backyard just to get away from it. Luckily, yesterday was a gorgeous, warm sunny day and I got to open all the windows to air out that lovely smell of sick kids. Then I did one of those thurough cleanings you save for when you're nesting or just feeling the urge to clean. There can't possibly be anymore germs here.

The girls seem to be alternating - all day they're okay, but then each night between 10:30-midnight one of them wakes up throwing up in her bed. I don't understand. In the meantime though, I've realized that King's cath'ing output is slowly decreasing and getting more yellow. And his diapers aren't as full as they used to be; sometimes it feels like there's not much there at all. He has been doing a lot of the monster spit ups where he is more like a cute little errupting volcano than a baby boy. I've checked his head - soft spot is normal and his head hasn't grown.  I think he's dehydrated. Another problem is his habit of spitting up his medicine. He's on ditropan (sp?) and amoxil and vitamin D. I dropped the vitamin D because that made Cordelia throw up and I hate it anyway, but he's still doing it. I'm really worried about a UTI if he doesn't keep the med's down.  So far though, he hasn't lost his breakfast or his morning meds. And both girls are keeping theirs down, too.

So, how am I surviving? Well, I have a few tricks up my sleeve. One is my mei tai. Kingsley's able to go in it now instead of the horrid Snugli.  I love it so much that I'm getting a new one! A local mom makes great ones with padding in the straps, which I think I'll appreciate when I'm wearing Kingsley into his first year Natural Mother Productions  The mei tai means I can get out of this house during the day. It means we can all go grocery shopping, or run to the mall to pick up something, or even go for walks.  For some reason people are amazed that I am able to leave the house with three kids (as they keep stopping me to tell me). It's a bit weird, to be honest. Three kids really isn't a lot. And when I'm wearing Kingsley, it's more just like being comfortably pregnant and taking the girls out! :)

I've also found this website that has a daily schedule for you to follow. The idea is that you do a bit every day and over time your house stays magically tidy and clean. Motivated Moms  It also has a meal planning area and a checklist to mark daily things like doing physio with Kingsley, remembering to take time to play and sing with the girls, give medication, and exercise.  I love it. My fridge is even clean because of it. And who would've ever thought of sweeping the porch? In two years I've never done that. Gotta say, it needed to be done.

And speaking of exercise, I've decided I have to really get back into it. I'm not able to find time during the day with at least 2 kids awake at all times, so I'm going to start this program Couch to 5K. I think if I do it either in the morning before anyone wakes up or in the evenings after Jeff gets home, I can fit it in. Also, I think actually leaving the house to do it will be helpful. I need to get out of here without kids attached to me. And getting back to my old body will definitely help my mental state! *sigh* I used to think yoga pants should only ever be worn while doing yoga. Now I wear them because they're the only things that fit! That has to change.

Lastly, there's no way I could've survived any of this without my parents and Jeff's mom. They come over all the time and babysit at the drop of a hat - for free! They're all great with the kids and we owe them so much. I can't even imagine how people cope without grandparents.

I have been trying all week to get a picture of Kingsley smiling. The trouble is, when he does it, I get so excited I just sit there loving it and forget to capture it.  This was the best I could do. One day I will learn about photo editing and cropping ;)

Thursday, April 1, 2010

I Need a Break

This 24/7 parenting thing is starting to wear me down.  Since Monday evening, I have had all three kids at all times.

It just took me 25 minutes to write that. All three are *supposed* to be sleeping. Rachel came downstairs a bunch of times. Her babies are fighting. Baby Alive pushed Marlee out of bed. Then Marlee pushed Baby Alive out of bed. Then Marlee needed a new diaper. Then her night light lightbulb died. Then she came down crying because Marlee and Baby Alive don't want her in bed with them. It stopped being cute. During the visits, Cordelia was screaming from her crib. She doesn't want to be in her bed. She wants to come downstairs and play.  She wants me to come up and play with her. And Kingsley got fed up with his swing. I nursed him and he dozed off until he spit up all over himself. Then he wanted to nurse again. Now he's decided sleep is overrated. More crying...

It's been like this for 3 straight days; 72 hours.  Day, night, they are starting to blur.  The girls took turns throwing up on Monday night every twenty minutes until 6am.  Then Kingsley was up. My mom came over so I could take a nap for a couple hours and that has been my only break from it. Last night was the same. Cordelia was sick again and up all night. Kingsley wouldn't settle and was up all night. Then Rachel kept coming in and out. 

... another 10 minutes later. Kingsley needed to be rocked to sleep. I love cuddling my kids, but I feel like right now at this second where all 3 are silent and not in my arms is about the first time that's happened all week. I'm being smothered! Between sick girls and little baby, it's a lot of clinging.  Jeff was sick himself, and now he's out for dinner with his friends. I would love to be out with adults. I would love to be clean and not smell like puke or spit up. I would love to be wearing something other than yoga pants and t-shirts!

Alright, there's my whine. Now, well all is quiet, I'm going to get something to eat because there's no way this is going to last and I haven't eaten in hours.

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